I think my decision to sit next to the window was a very unwise one.  It's much colder when you're sitting next to the window.  I don't want to search for the spot all over again, seeing that I've already claimed my territory with my belongings sparse over the table.  But packing it all up and situating in a less cozier area, possibly warmer,  is starting to tempt me just a little.

My course load this semester is not as heavy compared to my previous semesters but regardless of the registered hours, my classes this semester are demanding long hours dedicated to solely reading history.  Don't get me wrong, I like history and appreciate it and all of that jazz but man oh man am I tired of reading. My eyes are strained. I need glasses. And if I don't find a way to invest in a pair soon, my vision is bound to worsen.

My vision is just one of the many interruptions that is keeping me from focusing on my studies this semester.

Ever since my return from the exchange program, I started adjusting to a new change that occurred a couple of months ago.  Now, I can honestly say to myself that its been a tough climb to the top.  I've yet to reach the top, and I'm not clear on whether or not I want to.  I cant say that it is a goal of mine even though I know with certainty that it can alleviate me from the displeasure I've found in waiting on the impossible to become possible.  It's not that I enjoy dangling from up high.  But by not reaching the top, I'm salving every last bit of what can evolve into possibilities. Right now, it is important for me to know that there are still possibilities even though it means never coming to terms with myself and straying far from victory. It's kind of unhealthy but I'm coining this stage in becoming a-o-k as denial.

The rain is pouring outside. I can hear the thunder and see the lightening shine through my windows. I wish someone was here with me. I love the sound of the rain, especially when its raining this hard.  I just don't like the lightening and thunder. Kinda freaks me out lol.

I hate being stress.  Being stress makes me eat excessively. And I hate the eating excessively part as well. It's like my hands, stomach, and brain has no ability to retaliate !  Even to myself, it's hard to say no.

Something has been knocking on my door recently.  It's been knocking incessantly and despite of how long its been there, it finally woke me to a reality that I, myself, have been fully aware of.  Alerting me wasn't its purpose but rather its presence was to push the inner core that is alert and one that is fully aware to the surface of which my body is acting in oblivious.

It's difficult, I think, to ignore the yearnings of your body and to listen to what its not telling you.  It's a shame how the mind sometimes play the role of an opposing force, not allowing the body as whole to obtain what is essentially good.